I'll tell you what the fuck I'm thinking.
OK, this is me: Being open. This is not something I do.
I'll tell you now, in the eyes of everyone, even those wankers I couldn't want LESS to do with who probably lurk here ("OMFG DEY STEELIN MAH TALKSTALKS!") and scrutinising this little setup we have here.
I am in love.
OK, I said it. Sure, some of you probably already know, but what the hell. I'm too shelled up to even be honest with myself here.
The main problem, I suppose, is that this girl just so happens to be blood related to one of my best friends (known as Jacob). Yeah, she's his sister. I already told him about it, he's fine with it (or so he says); he won't intefere either negatively or positively.
Here is exactly what I said when I told her:
So anyway, sorry I'm not doing this face to face, but I have been trying for months now and I simply can't. Either because someone's in the way (namely Jacob or Jenny) or I'm just stupidly nervous.
Getting to the point,and believe me, I never expected you to take this well (hence the nervousness). I've kinda been in love with you for a while now. So y'know. There you go. Here's me getting it off my chest (at last).
Pathetic. This was months ago. It's a crock of shit. What the FUCK was I thinking? Seriously, what the FUCK. I read this now and I want to throw my goddamn monitor out the bleeding window because WHAT THE FUCK is that shit?!
The worst thing is that I actually hit the fucking send button. I sent her that bunch of shit and I regretted for the entire fucking week it took for her to say "no".
So yeah, what the fuck was I thinking? Wasn't thinking straight at all. Fuck no.
We hardly talked since then, this is what's so fucking weird: She just pretends I didn't say anything. I mean, shit. Someone tells you that stuff you're not gonna ignore it.
Fuck.